Reflections of the ruffled mind

Knowing that learning to relax is such a hard thing for me,  I began pondering over the times that I felt some semblance of serenity. I wasn't such a wired human but then nobody starts off that way.  Life,  circumstances,  influences,  situations and a multitude of nuanced factors take control over the fabric of your being. 

As I sat reflecting and introspecting a few tranquil thoughts started surfacing. It helped that I was sitting by the pool on a lazy chair with the sun in my eyes and the wind  forcing my eyes shut. A few that stood out , I have attempted to pen down below. 

• The sun in my face and the color of its light that lingers on after I close my eyes. 
• The  wind in my hair and the sound of it rustling the leaves.
• The gentleness of the breeze and the fierceness as it  compels me to surrender to its force. 
• The sound and smell of the sea
• The sound of my kids playing happily
• Water ... the sight, the feel ,the sweetness,  the saltiness,  the rush,  the waves, the movement,  the stillness,  the depth and the color, the different shades, the feel both warm and cold, the enormity and versatility!
• The sight of my kids sleeping peacefully
• The sensation of the sand slipping away as my feet sink in.
• Being driven around at night with music playing that I like. 
• The color green and the color blue.
• Listening to people I like, talk. 
• Sitting quietly listening to the music in a corner during loud rock concerts.
• Music as I am trying to fall asleep.
• Little drizzles of warm rain.
• Lying on my mom's lap with her arm resting on me and listening to my dad talk about how proud he is of me.
• Warm embraces and strong chests that let me bury my woes. 
• Being loved. 
• And in the end just writing how I feel because talking about it makes me feel a little vulnerable. 

I have known long ago that the intensity of my thoughts and feelings are a little overwhelming sometimes. But,  when I tried to write them down today,  I did feel a little less weird knowing that there are more than just a few things that enable potential placidness in me. That makes me feel normal. That is an achievement,  I think!